Reddit dependent relationship. Jun 10, 2021 · a deep-seated need for approval from others; self-worth that depends on what others think about you; a habit of taking on more work than you can realistically handle, both to earn praise or You're treating it as ruining the relationship - if there wasn't really love it's not ruining the relationship, it's accepting how things actually are. Listen and don’t just hear what you want to hear. Experiences of being in a relationship with a co-dependent. They are things she needs to address with herself. If you’re stuck in a toxic, co-dependent relationship you need someone to help change the way you think. Its not a bad thing, don’t be ashamed of who you are. moved a lot as a kid. I use to be like your girlfriend in my very first relationship my ex would try to tell me to hang out with my friends. I can look back honestly at my past and my relationships and see that all of my best, most intense and fondest relationships were with other codependents. i'm older, so take that for what it's worth. So if you don't want to be in that relationship, starting to feel obligated to hang around, maybe you should start seriously reconsidering your priorities? But it's always been a choice between him landing a job here and getting sponsored for a work visa or us marrying first so I could sponsor him for a dependent visa. Sounds like you are actively trying to put in emotional support, buy gifts, spend time, and be more sexual. In order to break out of codependent patterns, you need to first understand what a healthy, loving relationship looks like. They are affirm loans. Realize what you need from a relationship and find people who can and want to give it you. All of her issues are her problems. Your 200 miles seems to me like an excuse the 24-year-old LieutenantPickles would have made about a relationship he just wasn't that interested in. clevelandclinic. You cannot meet her needs and she cannot meet your needs. redditor justification will not absolve you There's no point in an unhappy relationship for two years just to gain financial security. What I’ve learned from that and my current relationship is how important alone time is. I’d say try to revive the hobbies you had prior relationship. The more important you are to her son, the more you threaten her. Nothing is enjoyable to do without having someone at my side. So. We both know that we should respect each other's individuality and give each other their own space. But I was that way bc I felt extremely insecure in the relationship- I was constantly getting put down and cheated on- and the guy’s life was a disaster (in and out of jail, no job, etc. Most will have access to discretionary hardship funds you can request to help you out. But more the most part he’s like you and enjoys his independence). This was my experience of this transition, which I've tried to express as a summary of my journey of recovery from co-dependency, I apologise for any triggers, I am sharing in the hope it might help others and is posted with love as you go on your own journey. I left my relationship about two months ago because I found out it had been codependent the entire time, and when trying to talk about it with my partner I consistently got the excuse that it was “too much to handle” or that they “weren’t ready” and I was “pushing them. Interdependence means you can recognize your own emotional needs and do the work to get many of them met. She never chased her dreams. Obviously with our age gap we are both emotionally at different maturity levels, but I swear nothing makes you feel more alone when you are waiting for a reply from your partner to help ease your heart after freaking yourself out thanks to your overactive mind. My boyfriends mother is extremely dependent of him and it’s interfering with our relationship So I just moved in with my boyfriend of 3 years since one month. Codependency, in very basic terms, means making your value and your happiness dependent on another person, usually a romantic partner, occasionally a child or parent, but always someone that you have a close relationship with. Signs of a healthy relationship include making time for each other, maintaining independence, being honest and open, showing affection, and having equality. if you break up with her make it a clean break and get it over with fast and dont ever look back. Recently, we had a chat about independence. 9 years later and it's like I'm afraid to even leave the house on my own. Period. I felt like I was a failure, a monster. And I need more reassurance than others with a more secure attachment style. You already have a job, so that's half the battle already won. It sounds like there’s a lot of distance between you and your girlfriends needs in your relationship. You love him. The earlier definitions of it were as it applies to a relationship with a person that is dependent on a substance, like an alcoholic or addict. Should your post include possible psychological or emotional triggers, please detail as such in the post title. please just get out. Sometimes the cues are subtle, sometimes your partner will actually say the words, “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you. If i am someone that is outgoing, makes friends easily, etc. I've been really struggling with anxiety and being too dependent on my boyfriend (25,M). She will make your life a living hell if the relationship progresses beyond what it is now. A disclaimer, she was my very first relationship and the very first time I fell in love, which is definitely a big factor on why I feel now so dependent on her. To summarize, we met in college, I go to college on the other side of the US, so keep that in mind for future reference. We've started the process for the latter. Either way, NPD or not, you don't need a personality disorder as an excuse to leave a relationship. I was her 4th, she had been with a few guys for 4, or 7 years, one of them (last one before I met her) was a narcissistic abuser that let her with some trauma. ago. Before being in a relationship I had my own hobbies and things I did on my own that made me happy. I still worked, but he made more money than I did, and we split the bills according to our salaries. The best thing you can do for yourself and the relationship is trying to make your own friends, even if it’s extremely difficult. From co-dependent to independent relationships Hello everyone - 46M from UK. The problem starts with this, some incidents led to us talking about individual space and the importance of it. Also, I was in an extremely abusive relationship a few years back where I was very co dependent. Basically incompatibility. I wasn't willing to continue a relationship separated by 1,000 miles when I was 24, but when I was 29 the pacific ocean and a dream couldn't separate us. That’s just not someone who is meeting my basic needs in a relationship. I am suicidal (have struggled with suicidal ideation and severe mental illness since I was 12) and I am very unhappy in this financially dependent relationship even though my partner pays for all the bills. longer term; feeling like you'd crumble without them, anxiety when they leave or something is not overly clarified, feeling like you aren't sure Nov 11, 2020 · Here are some of the telltale signs of a codependent relationship: You’re overly concerned about what the other person is doing, thinking, and feeling—and you want to fix or rescue them from See full list on health. Reply. So I know that is more than and different than co dependency but I am ALSO co dependent. If your life becomes dependent on the relationship then it will be difficult to leave if things don't work out. If she's not your girlfriend, then your situation may not be her being "independent-minded", but her just taking things slowly to start a relationship. •Learn to pay attention to the situation. I (32F) have been in a relationship for a few years with my BF (33M). That’s not what’s happening here. I was so dependent on my ex that it would cause unnecessary fights with him and within myself. Let me start by saying I have BPD, which is a personality disorder that centers around “the fear of abandonment” and having disorganized relationships with others and self. In the newer broader sense, one is codependent if one thinks they are codependent, and it is that thinking that it is a problem that is indicative of a problem. we met halfway through my sophomore year, he was a year above me, and we went to diff schools. lastly, be cautious about taking advice from 20 year olds on reddit who don't know shit about managing a decade or lifelong relationship. But I still followed her about 8 months later. But I realised (she admitted it herself) that she's not dependent on this relationship to be happy. ANd if a relationship is bad for a person, it will reflect in their stagnation /decline. But now, with time and therapy, I only wish I had left sooner. With any relationship, you have to evaluate what each person is putting into it. My relationship with my gf ended a few weeks ago. Think of how your life was before you two got together. Nov 15, 2023 · Look for signs of a healthy relationship. the girl I have been dating for just over a month now She's not your girlfriend, is she?She's just a girl you're dating?. You’re right that things can get blurry so it’s best that those involved be clear about what is and isn’t okay. Leaving was so hard. Talk to your university or college and explain the situation. For example, a guy was dependent on me in a friendship a few years ago and he couldn't get a job, make a phone call, check his e-mail, or choose clothing without consulting me. it is very hard to be with someone that struggles with that. /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. I am uncomfortable with being financially dependent on anyone, but I was in a relationship over the pandemic where we moved in together (the first time I'd done that), and the security was SO. and dont fall for her emotional blackmail about suicide. d_everything. If our relationship is a bucket, we both need to be filling it. phases of agoraphobia, dependence and panic 4 distinct times of my life 114 votes, 29 comments. I am far from dependent on anyone, I'm a grown adult raising a toddler on my own. ) and I became very co dependent thinking I could fix him and I (F, now 27) was in a co-dependent relationship with my ex (M, now 37) for 3 years. Firstly your boyfriend is an amazing communicator for telling you exactly what it is that's bothering him, being with someone who's emotionally dependent is exhausting /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. This could mean a change in the relationship, or even a break up. Check that you're not trying to stay in the relationship 'no matter what' as a reflection of maybe something like wanting your attachment to your parents to have been far more secure than it was. You can leave a relationship no matter how that person is acting, personality disorder or not. For me it felt like they were pulling me down instead of bringing me up. I was foolishly charmed by his ability to For those in a non hetero cis monogamous relationships, I’d say that the people involved should communicate and set their expectations. See Al-Anon. May 8, 2020 · Interdependent relationships, the healthiest type of relationship, fall in the middle. Before, we were long distance and on top of that, we live in different countries, so we made the long flights back and forth a few times each year. Time to break up and look for a relationship with someone who has a healthy relationship with their parents and other people as well. Something has to change so you aren't continuing this cycle of dependence. I hope you are truly past the point of wanting to handle her emotions for her. You are well on the path of a co-dependent relationship. For both your sakes. otherwise ive got no advice for you other than good luck. Changing codependency within the context of a relationship? That takes will power, focus, and discipline most people just don't have. Your idea of a relationship is to do things apart. I tried to discuss this with her from a place of love but she got very defensive and said no, she is just a very loving Codependence can also look like the opposite of some of these examples too- like you feel responsible for constantly meeting the other person’s needs and your happiness depends on their happiness and approval. Mar 24, 2023 · In codependent relationships, one person sacrifices more than the other. withdrawing I’ve been through this in my first relationship and I wish I had your awareness at the time. But yeah, the issuance of his visa will largely be dependent on my capability as a guarantor/sponsor so I have to get my documents in order. She just cemented her dependent habits & I became ever more the codependent. I've been widowed nearly 2 years and it truly feels like she wants me dependent on her and not to move forward and be happy. . ” Hear what they are saying. She never made friends. We have a loving relationship with occasional arguments here and there, like normal couples do. abusive relationships with a lot of push/pull, belittling, manipulation and gaslighting. When he broke up with me I was a HOT WRECK. NICE. In codependent relationships, one person Hello fellow women of reddit. I gave my bf the bucket metaphor. I fear my bf leaving so bad, I am so scared of not having his attention. He paid rent, I paid the utilities and groceries. Relationships need time and space apart from each other and healthy boundaries. For the both of you. It’s so important to have a life outside of your partner. My last relationship was 6 years, so for almost the last decade I have been with someone (I'm 26). Welcome to r/codependency! We're a community of redditors who've become aware of/are wondering if they are developing signs of codependency. We're all at different points in our healing, please come with open ears and open hearts. I've been in recovery from codependency for several years now. I don't think this could be called a "codependent relationship" fairly. If he was looking for honestly and realism, no it's probably not possible. 30. TL;DR: My Girlfriend is emotionally dependent on me and despite me ruining my sleep schedule and talking to her for 10+ HOURS everyday nonstop it still feels like it’s not enough, and sometimes thinks that I don’t love her. But assertive communication and creating boundaries can reduce codependency. This feels like a punch to the gut. Some people stay stuck in bad relationships because they can't get out. I need to know where I stand in a relationship. Relationships only work when both people want to be in it. Surviving the relationship, adjusting, and adapting? Sure. I'll try to mince my words as best I can, but as someone who has been in a few relationships with people who were emotionally dependent on me I'm a little harsh about it all. ” Hi! Im 27F and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend 40M for 2 years now. I’m mentally and physically drained. And once I became self aware I was way better at understanding my own relationship (my bf is a comboniatiom of avoidant and secure attachment. at the beginning of the relationship: spending every possible chance together, not taking time to be an individual outside of the relationship, hitting milestones too early (i love you, moving in together, ect) emotionally regulating for your partner. But she never got better. • 4 yr. yea. There’s an unhealthy reason WHY you keep running back to someone toxic and that needs to be explored and changed. When we first started living together I saw some signs that she may have some issues with codependence behaviour. Eventually, the toxic nature of the relationship was too much, and I split up with him over a year ago (so we were 23 and 33 when we met). How a healthy relationship should comprise of two independent people who leads independent lives. Having healthy I'm 44M, have had quite a few meaningful relationships including a 10 year marriage that ended years ago. Most of the literature and discussion on codependency focuses on what seems to be the "worst-case scenario" of codependents striking up romantic relationships with narcissists and other codependents. In sociology, codependency is a concept that attempts to characterize imbalanced relationships where one person enables another person's self-destructive tendencies (such as addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement) and/or undermines the other person's relationship. Have you tried talking to him and did he practically break down? This is in no way a healthy relationship and his hyper dependence is coming at the cost of your mental health. org Aug 17, 2018 · Some of the most common characteristics of codependency are people-pleasing, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting, poor boundaries, caretaking or rescuing, wanting to feel in Feb 28, 2022 · Research from 2018 outlines several criteria for love addiction, including the following that overlap with codependency symptoms: spending a lot of time thinking about your partner. Then I started researching how to stop being emotionally dependent on someone (which in my mind translates to how to be able to truly love someone) but every arcticle I found was somehow very abstract, I am looking for more specific advice. OK her idea of a relationship is that a couple does everything together as a couple. . Some background: I am in therapy and have made a lot of progress, mainly in recognizing past emotional abuse from my mother and learning how to deal with her now. From the way you describe things in your post, it's clear that she's just grown more and more dependent on you. Your partner should adding to the relationship too. Manintaining a relationship like this will require patience and communication. He sometimes avoids the emotions of a relationship. Good thing stubbornness is a key trait of a co dependent of any king. I (25,F) would be incredibly grateful for some advice. Not all therapists are good. the last thing you need is input from another child who is going to justify your poor choices and tell you to divorce. I have made a lot of bad financial decisions. Both of you have different ideas on how a relationship should be like. TL;DR: great fam relationships but they didn’t understand my panic attacks as a kid and would leave me to freak out sometimes. However, it was the most intense relationship that I have ever had. You deserve to be loved and taken care of by someone who genuinely wants to, though being reliant on it definitely isn’t the healthiest thing for a relationship. fighting to be heard and respected. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. Why do you still wanna be with her? LPT: When entering a relationship try and stay as independent as possible for as long as possible. hello, i will preface by saying i love my boyfriend very much, but his dependency issue is a glaring obstacle in our path at the moment. :) Of course you want to be around him and sleep near him for security. true. zclvtt ccyc luqru vvsnmc dcyylvli ppiou sbpy nnordcb dzl wxgljk